Tell Me
by coffeeandpie
Summary: This is a Carby that is trying to deal with the adult sides of the characters. UPDATE: ch.8 Perhaps this is the conclusion! :)
1. Default Chapter

1 Tell Me  
  
(Part 1)  
  
  
  
Abby woke up and glanced over at her digital alarm clock with a groan as she tried to untwist her arm from the cast iron headboard at the back of her bed. The only thing that this bed is good for is a pair of handcuffs, she thought with a smirk. Her smirk quickly faded when an image of that man's face, the one with the intense, deep brown eyes immediately filled her daydream. Carter. She had been devastated by the glance over that he had given her and the beer bottle she had in tow. "Just wanted to see if you were settling in." Her heart was in her throat when she answered him, mouse like, "I'm getting there." "Yeah I can see that."  
  
She never wanted to be this way in front of him. She never wanted him to think she had lost control. She helped him with his recovery, he watched her as she came to Maggie's rescue, and as she maneuvered her way around her own life. He thought she was a strong person. She wanted him to believe this about her always. Now she had put all of this in jeopardy. How could he remain strong in his recovery when his sponsor didn't practice what she so preached for him? How could he ever trust her or know that she was capable of running her own life? Why must he infiltrate her waking thoughts as well as her dreams? She sighed audibly as well as deep inside herself. She didn't want to feel this anymore, but just knew that first she had to make things right for herself.  
  
The drinking had to stop. It wasn't out of control yet but it was a game to her, a dangerous game that she could lose at any turn. She got up out of the bed and pulled on her sweater. She tossed her hair around and then pulled it into a twist at the base of her neck, allowing the tendrils to fall where they pleased. She yawned walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She felt so relieved to have a day off it felt like it had been so long since she had had any true "lazy" time. Perhaps though, this was due in part to the fact that she had been keeping herself so busy. She didn't want her fear to creep in, about Sobricki's return, or about Brian's violence. All of this violence! She was afraid. This was something she hadn't felt for a long time because she had built up strong walls to prevent herself from feeling this vulnerable. The last time she remembered truly feeling afraid was in childhood, when her mother was in really bad shape, coming after Abby with a knife. She hadn't known then that that would be the scariest thing to happen in her life and harden her for all future endeavors with the factor of fear. When she thought about these things directly she realized she was suffering an acute amount of stress. She had even come across an article that explained what this stress was. Post traumatic stress disorder. She never really knew there was an exact name for her feelings. Occasions that had passed before in her life had too affected her deeply as these but she never knew the extent of the symptoms or their consequences. One of the key symptoms of PTSD that she was particularly wary of was depression. She could feel it creeping up on her very slow-like, it had no mercy on an already tired soul. She found herself craving a beer and tried to shake it off. She decided to get dressed and turned up her stereo system, and as she did so she sang out loud the words that filled her and felt like sweet medicine.  
  
  
  
  
  
"The phone still rings, the coffee still stinks,  
  
But I'm going out…  
  
I'm not a hummingbird, I'm not a dirty word, but I'm going out.  
  
And I'm lonely looking at pictures of you, cumbersome, and ink on the wall,  
  
And I'm not going anywhere,  
  
But I'm going out.  
  
Don't monitor me, because you won't like what you see,  
  
Don't give me your cigarettes, cause I smoke too many…  
  
We move through this world like angels without wings,  
  
We couldn't use 'em yet, my skin is oiled with sweat,  
  
And I'm going out."  
  
  
  
Abby decided it was time to confront her fears and talk about them. She was a strong independent woman. At least that's what she kept trying to remind herself. And no one could take that away from her. Not some lunatic resurfacing in her life who had once tried to murder her dear friend, or another man who thought he could wreck havoc on her life, destroying her resolve with one act of violence that threw her to the floor.  
  
Hell No. She was going to pick herself up and recover. She was going to feel her strength resurface and the old Abby would come back into her life. She would help this new-frightened Abby to resettle in her violated apartment. She would tell her it was okay to relax and reassure her that it was indeed time to feel settled in her own skin. In fact it was way overdue. She had suffered these past months and then proceeded to mess things up further by calling on her old friend Sam Adams. It was time she dumped him, and focused on what was really important. She was beginning to feel feverish with energy and noted the light traces of anticipation dampening her skin. She grabbed up the pamphlet for the PTSD support group and determinedly said out loud to no one in particular, "I'm going out." 


	2. Tell Me Part 2

1 Tell Me  
  
  
  
(Part 2)  
  
  
  
  
  
Weeks after Abby had attended her first support group meetings she felt the fog that had settled over her insides begin to lift. She was getting her life back and coming into feelings of self-possession that she had never known before. She felt so relieved to have made these choices about her life and had come to some solid terms with understanding her drinking as well. She bopped around work here and there doing her job but all the time thinking to herself about how things had turned out. She never realized the curious stares she was receiving from co-workers who had never seen her glow like that.  
  
So as for the drinking, Abby thought realistically. She was not totally sober. But she was never totally drunk either, and refused to ever put herself in that situation. She had a glass of wine to relax with dinner, occasionally. She used it in her recipes. She no longer feared its presence in her life because she felt empowered by her own decision to control its implications. It wasn't a vice, it wasn't a release, it was something to consume, if she wanted to. These were things she knew all along but was reluctant to admit. It had been fun in her youth as some excuse to fall back on when she felt she couldn't deal with her problems, or decided she wouldn't deal with them, but not now. Now she had gained an education about her own fears and realized how these tied in directly with her tendencies toward alcohol. When awakening to this, she went through stages of denial, and then anger, that she would ever be so self-destructive when her life was already complicated enough. She embraced the feelings of power that the support group had given her, but more so, she felt for the first time in her life a growing respect for herself as she became aware of her own presence in the world. This presence was powerful, and respectable because it was giving directions that would direct her to her own destiny. She learned she did have a say in thing, a say in this game of life, and she was in awe of the vast amount of possibilities that lay before her She didn't feel the cravings anymore because there was nothing she was trying so hard to forget, instead she remembered, realized, and moved on to attempt a normal life, one where things wouldn't be so complicated. That had always been the reason to indulge before.  
  
  
  
She had confronted these fears and head-on she dove into the pool of herself, reemerging with strength to help her overcome her doubts. Sure, she had problems, and always would, but to finally know that she was worth more than the empty feelings a hangover would always provide, was empowering. She didn't need alcohol to cope with the chaos of life. She didn't need it to fall back on. It wasn't a friend of hers. No, she knew this to be most true, that it wasn't a friend, because throughout this process she had come to realize also, whom her true friends were and what they had done for her.  
  
  
  
  
  
Previously she had been reluctant when anyone had tried to help her, or in her mind they were trying to "save" her, and mostly from herself. Luka had been wonderful to her, on her behalf, always the protector, and the take- charge kind of guy, he had initially annoyed her. Now she saw it was just his way, and she came into an understanding about him. His friendship was something she now knew to be invaluable. It was definitely true that they could talk more easily now that they were not involved. There would always be chemistry between them, and a twisting together of parts, which were their similar suffering souls. They had dark memories from their pasts that haunted them both in similar ways tying them together, but for Luka to accept Abby as a strong individual who could make her own decisions and who wouldn't need his guidance, well that aspect was something Luka would forever struggle with. Something to do with the inherent chivalry that seeped down into his every fiber, his very soul thought Abby with a warm smile. She would always love Luka for the new friend that he was to her, and for the way that she knew he loved her.  
  
Now about those handcuffs, thought Abby, with a mischievous grin to herself. She had also come to realize how extremely wonderful John Carter was to her. Not that she hadn't appreciated him all along, but at first she was with Luka, and John had made things difficult for her, in the way that he never pretended that he didn't care about her or that he only cared for her as he did for any of his friends. He was "supposed" to pretend he didn't feel that connection between them, just like she was, but he found it hard to play that game. She admired his honesty, it was something she always respected about him and expected the same from herself, but she struggled with getting the whole honesty thing just right when in regards to relationships. Luka picked up on their closeness right away after they had started attending the meetings together, and throughout the process Abby felt entirely satisfied in the new bond she was sharing with this man albeit dysfunctional because it was over AA meetings. There was just something so raw and natural to all of it because there was nothing hidden, they came to know the harsh and real sides of one another first, the troubled incidents which had led both of them spiraling out of control toward drugs and alcohol. Later on, they benefited from this exposure of the truth because they got to see the other sides of one another, the struggling sides. Each one saw the other as a recovering, earnest, and sincere person surrounded by chaos that was the backdrop of the e.r.  
  
Abby thought that it was truly important that they had both known each other's weakness yet they clearly were in tune with one another's strengths despite this. She supported him in his steps to recovery; he supported her in dealing with Maggie. There was an understanding between them that went unspoken. Abby hoped that John could forgive her the temporary relapse, she was able to admit that to herself now, that it was in fact a relapse, due in part to all of the violence in their lives. She thought of "their" lives as one now, even of they were not together, because there were two separate inccidents scared her back into wanting to forget, and back to the drinking problem as a release from this pain. She couldn't tell which one more had made her fearful, her concern for Carter at Sobricki's reemergence, or her fears over Brian's temper. Both occasions affected Abby very deeply and even if Carter didn't know or realize it, she would have done anything in the world to take his pain away at that moment he heard that maniac's voice.  
  
  
  
Abby smiled to herself as she propped her elbows on the admit desk pretending to study a chart. She lost herself in more Carter/Abby thoughts. It didn't hurt that they genuinely liked one another and shared an immediate intimacy that rivaled all of the other relationships in their lives. They could talk about anything openly, honestly, raw, and natural just as they did in the meetings. Anything that is, except for all of the chemistry that they were finding hard to contain thought Abby… 


	3. Tell Me Part 3

1  
  
Tell Me  
  
(Part 3)  
  
  
  
Lost in her daydreams of handcuffs and possibility, Abby didn't notice when someone crept up behind her.  
  
"Excuse me, you're in my way," the familiar voice said gruffly. She jumped to attention and already felt the smirk reach her face from ear to ear. Tongue in cheek she said,  
  
"I was just thinking about you." Carter did not look amused. She noted that he in fact looked quite irritated with her. She felt the quick shower of doubt cover her heart. The doubt was trying to force the previous moments heart swelling down to a slow, steady, normal beat. She could tell it wasn't working as she looked up at him hopefully and heard the pounding of it in her ears. She hoped he couldn't hear it too, and felt a blush rush over her entire body. Even she could see how much her eyes at that moment must resemble those of a helpless puppy. "Well if you're still thinking I'm going to help you hold up that liquor store around the corner from your house, you've got another thing coming" He answered her gaze curtly.  
  
"Carter..,"  
  
"Abby..,"  
  
"Listen Carter, I'd like to talk to you about that when.."  
  
She was interrupted by Dr. Weaver, "Carter, Abby, get to work, you're not getting paid to sit around discussing the weather!"  
  
"Actually we were discussing the amazing Chicago Bulls," Carter quipped, rolling his eyes and starting to walk away from Abby.  
  
"Later?" she called after him. He continued to walk down the hallway and she remained still, standing there, staring at his back. She saw him take a deep breath and square his shoulders. He stopped walking then and turned around slowly to face her.  
  
"Yeah. Later, Abby,… As always."  
  
His words leapt out at her and they struck just as if she had been hit, hard. No, she thought, no. I'm not going to let this situation with Carter affect all the good things that I've created for myself over these past weeks. He's going to listen to what I have to say whether he likes it or not. The game stops here.  
  
Carter went about the rest of his shift in an irritated haze. He felt his agitation creep up on him again and again. Over and over he dealt with patients who came in with minimal injuries, but huge complaints. He was having trouble controlling his temper. He certainly had something to complain about. She was supposed to be his goddamned sponsor! Why was she drinking again? This had been festering for weeks within his mind and in the past few days he could feel it directly affecting his soul. She had been avoiding him for weeks after he had initially found out about it. What was worse, she acted as if she didn't owe him any explanation at all and went about her business at work assisting him in trauma as if he were anybody else. The woman puzzled him. He had tried to speak up to her numerous times, at first he was confrontational and then he took a lighter approach. She remained calm each time he approached her, but he took this calm as indifference to him, to his support, his friendship. She didn't tell him to back off, but she didn't pretend that she was listening to him either. She simply stood before him as he talked at her, and stared at the ground, at his feet, at the sky, at the people passing in the halls. He felt mounting frustration each time he finished his "lecture" of sorts, and the small smile crept to the corners of her mouth as she walked away from him, released from school and released from him, the teacher. How could she pretend that this was not a big deal? And how did she expect him to remain unaffected and calm, not caring about what happened to her, or how far she had come in being sober for 6 years. Well now suddenly, after these long weeks had gone by, after he had been tormented with worry each night, only to be relieved the next day to see her come strolling into work in one piece, (and much to his dismay, with a most devastating glow about her) after she had ignored him, and made it clear she didn't want him in her life, she was behaving playfully? Carelessly? Oh yeah, they'd talk later, and he would definitely find words this time to tell her what he thought of her and she was going to listen to him whether she liked it or not. The game stops here. 


	4. Tell Me Part 4

Tell Me (Part 4)  
  
  
  
Outside in the ambulance bay Abby leaned one foot back against the wall, and balanced all of her weight on her other leg. She was distracted, it would be obvious to anyone who looked her way. She concentrated on the pattern of intricate stitching on the toe of her sneaker. Somehow when the door opened up and three or four people walked out at once she could sense that he was coming and she lifted her head up trying to catch his attention.  
  
Equally distracted, Carter didn't notice her and kept his eyes pointed straight toward the street. He followed the path of a taxicab as it whizzed past Doc Magoo's. She fell in step behind him matching his pace, not ready to startle him out of the haze he seemed to be in. He came to the curb and stopped short just as a bicyclist whizzed past him. Abby hadn't seen him coming to a halt and she went crashing into him, arms flailing as she hit the ground. He turned to see the commotion, and cocked his head to the side at the vision before his eyes. Abby Lockhart, sitting in a puddle. She hardly looked amused. He offered his hand to her and asked,  
  
"Were you following me?"  
  
Testy, she replied, "You said we could talk later, and then you just left the hospital."  
  
He didn't have the patience for this.  
  
"You know it might just be that I have other things to do today, you just might not be my top priority you know."  
  
She looked at him and tilted her head to one side, scrutinizing him. "You know, I think this can wait Carter, I wouldn't want to disturb you when you're in such a stellar mood."  
  
She wiped herself off quickly small droplets of water running off of her fingers and back into the puddle. She turned on her heel and began to walk away from him.  
  
  
  
He stalked off in the other direction and started to feel a fresh batch of indignant feelings well up in his stomach. How dare she behave that way, what right did she have expecting that he was at her beck and call whenever she felt like talking? She had avoided him for a month or more, and now suddenly she had something to say so he had to fall all over himself? No. It doesn't work that way Miss Lockhart. Not anymore.  
  
Abby was walking in the opposite direction very perturbed. What was his problem today? He was so testy. They had just discussed that very morning that they were going to talk when they were off, and now he was behaving as if she had no right to speak to him at all. She could not believe how audacious he was sometimes. She actually saw a shadow of a grin on his face as he gave her a hand out of the puddle. This had quickly faded when they started to speak to one another.  
  
Both walked frenzied through the streets lost in their own distractions about the other.  
  
Abby stopped suddenly, turned on her heel and started to walk back in the direction from which she just came. The game stops here she reminded herself. I haven't come this far for nothing, it's time I told him, everything. The stride in her step was confident and she quickly made progress back toward the hospital. She was so busy talking to Carter in her mind that she didn't even notice the rain starting to fall.  
  
Carter quickly wiped his face not realizing that the annoyance was rain. Enough, he thought. I've had enough. He stopped in the middle of the street and set his jaw, thinking she is not going to avoid me anymore. He pounded the pavement retracing his steps, knowing that his long legs would be no match for her petite frame, she couldn't have gotten far.  
  
  
  
Crashing into one another in the middle of the street, neither one could hear what the other was saying as the shouting became very heated.  
  
" You're going to drop the attitude, and listen to me, we are not putting this off anymore!"  
  
" You think that you can just drag me along on this amusement park ride that you call your life well you are wrong, I'm not willing anymore, and I've got something to say to you!"  
  
Just then a child slowly pedaling his tricycle on the street passed in the rain. He looked up at them and then back at his mother saying, " Mommy, even though they are outside, I think they sound use their inside voices." The mother looked distracted as she tried to help her child maneuver his way quickly through the downpour. She gave Carter and Abby an unapologetic look, " Yes, I think they should try using their inside voices too Charlie."  
  
Carter looked at the ground and Abby watched the mother and child on their journey up the street. Their eyes met, and slow smiles started to spread across their faces.  
  
"Charlie is right you know, you are acting like a real jerk Carter."  
  
"What? He didn't say that, he said you should stop yelling like a maniac."  
  
"Listen you jerk, I think we need to sit down for a minute and act like grownups, you have the time to sit down in Doc Magoo's?" She wasn't in the mood to create a further scene and she allowed her voice to take on a friendlier tone.  
  
"Yeah I think we've given our audience quite enough." Carter laughed as he titled his head toward the expectant faces staring at them from under the bus stop waiting station.  
  
  
  
They bounded up the stairs together shaking rain from their heads and trying to get warm.  
  
"Two black coffee's please, requested Carter.  
  
"Oh and a couple of pieces of apple pie." added Abby.  
  
"So it's going to be that kind of a conversation eh?" he asked her  
  
"You were expecting maybe some fish sticks or something?" she couldn't help laughing at him. She knew she was angry with his earlier behavior, but she just let that go, there were more pressing matters to be dealt with. More important things she wanted to say.  
  
They took their seats at the corner booth and got settled in. Abby started to speak immediately.  
  
"Listen, I have a lot of things that I need to tell you Carter, and I hope you will just listen and wait for me to finish before you interrupt." She looked up at him expectantly and waited for him to agree.  
  
" I will try." He answered her with all sincerity. He knew he would listen to her, but he might just butt in if he felt the need, he could make no promises. His issues with her had been put on the backburner long enough, he didn't know if he would be able to afford her the luxury of not listening to what he had to say for much longer. Even the minutes annoyed him. He was impatient, anticipating his turn.  
  
She began.  
  
"First, I want to say that I am sorry. I should've let you know in some way that I was struggling with the alcohol, but I never found the right chance, scratch that, I never tried to find the right chance. I used your relationship with Susan as an excuse to block you out of my life. I basically gave up on the fact that we might even have a friendship to salvage. I was feeling ignored and neglected in a time where I really could've used your support." She snorted at herself; " I guess I partly brought that on myself, a self-inflicted silence, I remember being so irritated with you when we had that talk by the river about things going on between us. My expectations were so high for where we might be going but then everything came crashing down after that conversation was over. I just got the impression that I had fouled everything up, that you had fouled everything up too. And I was angry for a while. I couldn't face you, or us, or myself, I was tired and bored with all three. Do you understand what I mean?"  
  
He quietly shook his head up and down.  
  
She picked up her coffee cup and took a slow sip before she continued.  
  
"Then it was that day, my birthday, no one remembered it, and Sobricki was brought in."  
  
She hesitantly searched his face for a reaction. She didn't want him to be reminded of those hours but this was necessary. He simply stared back at her, his face not telling her any answers.  
  
"Well when he came back John, I saw him and I thought my legs had failed me I was in complete shock, I didn't know that he would even be alive, let alone allowed to live free, hold a job, have a child.."  
  
She continued and he noted the pain in her voice. " All I wanted to do was to get him out of there. I just did not want you to see him. I managed to dance around the treating physician for hours advising her to get him the hell out of there as soon as possible, but Susan wouldn't listen to me. She followed procedure. She did consider what I said but she didn't compromise the treatment, and I respect her for that, but it was hard to deal with. I guess she just couldn't comprehend the magnitude of terror that all of us who had been there felt."  
  
She took a deep breath and continued. "When you were there in the hallway I tried to grab your attention with any excuse just to keep you from seeing him, to keep you from feeling that same terror that I felt. When my attempts backfired and you looked at me while hearing his voice I thought that I had failed you miserably. Your reaction was just what I expected and I can tell you right now that I would've done anything to keep you from that. I tried John."  
  
She was crying now, angry and indignant tears at the thought of that monster being allowed to live freely when Lucy was dead and her friend forever traumatized by what had happened to him.  
  
"Abby," he started.  
  
"No, let me finish. I tried talking you into going out for coffee and pie but you blew me off. I was affected by his appearance I think more than you'll ever know. I just wanted to talk to you, make sure you'd be okay, as your sponsor I knew this was an event that might lead you backwards in some way that you couldn't control. When you refused me I took it to mean that you felt that I was no more of a help to you, that I had done my job and maybe you had found a permanent sponsor. What I didn't realize that entire time was that you were helping me through my recovery just as equally as I had helped you. Talking and attending meetings with you had kept me from falling back into my old patterns when my mother showed up. I always had that thought in the back of my head that whatever was going on I could handle it, I would call you, or you would call me just to talk it out. The night of Sobricki's return to the E.R. I felt that same sense of he'd be okay we'll talk this out and it will be okay. Then when I went home alone after a completely terrible day I realized just that fact, I was alone and that I just didn't have the willpower to seek another form of relief for myself. I certainly couldn't call you because whatever I was feeling was multiplied a hundred times over by what you had experienced. Maybe it partially had to do with the solitude factor and Luka wasn't in my life at that point either to serve as a distraction. I was offered a beer and conversation and I didn't refuse it. I just started drinking and I didn't care, and I didn't know why.  
  
  
  
She stopped here and put her head in her hands. Taking a moment to close her eyes and focus. Did that come out all right?  
  
He watched her. She was exasperated by her own story and he felt that he should tell her that everything she had just told him had kind of knocked him out of his socks. He had never given anyone else's feelings a second thought after he had discovered Sobricki alive and well. She lifted her head and they sat looking at one another in a companionable silence.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
  
  
{*Remember, this is a story in parts, to be continued…] 


	5. Tell Me Part 5

Abby Lockhart and John Carter continued to stare at one another in the midst of the companionable silence that had formed. She had said so much in such a short amount of time. Carter felt his heart beginning to beat faster as he tried to collect his thoughts and gather together his emotions for all that he wanted to say to her.  
  
  
  
Abby got lost looking in his eyes there was some sort of light there she had never seen before. She was a bit taken back that her story had rendered him speechless, and his silence in turn made her silent. She loved this. Moments like these, when all she had to do was look at him and she could feel that swelling of her heart and the flush rise to her face. She felt healthy when she was with Carter; just being near him was such a great thing. They connected in speech, and they connected in silence. More important was the silence she thought, because they could say it all, but just the holding onto one another without words or touching was the most powerful experience she had ever had. Her feelings for him had grown to this untouchable place, where before she had felt the connection in the beginning of their friendship, but as time passed no other relationship in her life could surpass the one that she kept with this man. Even in anger she'd rather be with him than anyone else in the world.  
  
  
  
Carter gathered his wits about him and tore his eyes from hers to wake himself up. He looked down at the table. He rubbed his hand through his hair and he began.  
  
"Abby I am a jackass. I didn't tell you about Susan and I should have instead of you walking in on us in the lounge that day. I thought my heart had jumped out of my body and a frog into my throat when you walked in. I would never intentionally create a scene to hurt you. It really was unexpected, the whole situation, I was devastated by our talk by the river, but I was angry too. I didn't want you to have feelings for Luka anymore, I wanted you to forget him and when I saw that you wouldn't forget him or that you still remained involved in his life, his issues, I needed to separate myself from you and from that hurt. I am sometimes selfish and arrogant and I wanted things to be a certain way, for you to be a certain way and they are not, you are not. I should have taken you up on your offer of coffee and pie the day that Sobricki was brought in but I was in a trance, I was so angry and confused and disgusted, I couldn't handle myself never mind another person.."  
  
She interrupted him here, " John, I know, and I know reaching out to you after the fact was futile, I should've found you right away and let you know that he was there in the hospital so it wasn't such a surprise and a shock, but things were difficult at that time. I just thought that he might be treated without you ever knowing. I kept hope through the old sayings "out of sight out of mind," and "what you don't know can't hurt you type of thing.."  
  
"That's not always true you know, Abby."  
  
"What's not always true?"  
  
"Out of sight out of mind."  
  
He raised one eyebrow and tilted his head, and she understood immediately what he was implying.  
  
Just then the waitress came to the table with the pie. Abby shook herself out of the daze and slid her plate near her fiddling with her fork. She was twisting it around and around, when she looked up he was grinning at her.  
  
"I never said thank you, you know, for attempting to keep me from finding out. You didn't have to protect me from him but I do appreciate that you tried."  
  
She shook her head up and down in silence and took a bite of her pie. She noticed that he had ordered his a la mode and his ice cream looked good. Carter caught her eyeing his scoop and slid it over to her. "Have some."  
  
She scooped some ice cream up onto her spoon and ate it upside down, a little motion that Carter took note of because he had seen her do it before. Had he told her everything he had wanted to say? He thought hard while she was finishing off his scoop. When he looked up again he laughed out loud at the small puddle of ice cream she had left him.  
  
"I guess this is your revenge for the puddle incident of earlier then eh?"  
  
She laughed at him, then a sudden cloud of seriousness passed quickly through her eyes and over her face. She grew solemn and searched his eyes.  
  
"I've missed you." she stated simply.  
  
He saw that her eyes were clear and they did not plead or beg, her statement was bold, strong, and beautiful. He answered her without skipping a beat.  
  
"I've missed you more." She ducked her head a little at this and even beneath her curls he could see her slight blush. She looked happy, was it what he had just said that made her happy? The surging feeling in his stomach told him of possibility. When she looked up again her bright eyes confirmed the potential that lay ahead of them.  
  
"I want you to get better Abby. But I don't want you to do it for me. I want you to do it for you."  
  
"John.."  
  
"No, I'm not finished. I'm happy to be able to talk to you again like this, to come here with you, but I can't ignore the fact that you've been drinking again Abby, and I want you to recover. I have more things to say to you, things that I want to say so badly but I want to know that you've gotten your life in some sort of order first.."  
  
"Some sort of order?" she snorted at him, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
She felt small palpitations and flutterings around her heart. Were those butterflies or ping-pong balls? She thought about this talk, their talk, and she started to doubt when she saw his pleading eyes. He was asking her to fix herself up, to pick up the pieces, and he was so busy in doing this he hadn't even asked her where she was in recovery or if she was in recovery. Didn't he know that she was okay? Couldn't he tell by the intensity forming between them at all of these new confessions and realizations? It was too much for her to bare, to think that he believed she were saying all of this to him not being in clear state of mind. He meant too much to her for it to be misunderstood. She fought back tears and allowed herself to focus on small things about her so that she would not break in front of him.  
  
She put her hand on her jacket beside her in the booth tentatively. Should she explain what had happened in these past weeks? She didn't think that she could explain anything without him hearing desperation in her voice. She wanted to show him what she had done for herself, and how she had improved, not needing him as her sponsor, but by keeping him in her heart she had been inspired to get well again. She was desperate for things to be normal with him, she had cravings for a functional relationship, but she could hear expectations in his voice that she didn't think she could meet. How much better did he think she could get than where she was right now in her life? He was always raising the bar on her like this.  
  
"Can we continue this later?" she asked him. " I think I need a breather."  
  
"Abby," he started, but she was already up and walking toward the door.  
  
"Don't walk away.." he spoke quietly and to himself because she was already gone. Her reaction to his pleas was typical denial for an alcoholic he thought to himself. He hadn't realized that she was this far-gone. He placed his head in his hands and rewound all of the conversation they had just had. He played the conversation over and over in his head like a broken record.  
  
  
  
To be continued.. 


	6. Tell Me Part 6

Tell Me Part 6  
  
1 Days later………  
  
John Carter pulled up his collar as he continued down the street; he stopped to glance in a store window, his eyes passing over a pile of toys and model trains. 'A pretty elaborate display,' he thought to himself. He stood there awhile, just gazing at all the playthings. He thought he saw something that reminded him of his brother Bobby, and a sharp stinging pierced his heart. He was feeling vulnerable tonight. That was a dangerous thing. He knew he shouldn't be walking the streets alone because he could end up anywhere, in a bar, on a street corner trying to avoid the temptation of drug dealers, at her doorstep staring up toward her windows.  
  
He hadn't seen her in a few days and he felt the chasm growing wider between them. He felt powerless to stop it this time. He didn't think he had the strength to fight with her anymore; he never wanted that from the first. It hurt him so much to think of her avoiding him in the halls of County in just the same way as she had avoided Luka after their breakup. It wasn't fair from the first place, because they had never even had the chance to be together. Why did he have to go through these motions with her, as if they had broken up? He needed her. He was aware that she didn't want him to help her but he couldn't stop asking her to seek out treatment. If he cared about her at all, he had to be sure she was taking steps to recover from the relapse she had suffered, even if it meant she never wanted to speak to him again.  
  
He was lost in thoughts of her; she so often plagued him, in both dreams, and in his waking life. He let out a tiny guffaw at the irony of his situation as he thought he heard her laughter behind him. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. "Hopeless." Susan had told him he was hopeless when it came to his feelings about Abby, and she was right. He was absolutely overwhelmed by the brunette nurse because she altered his world without even realizing it. He lifted his head again to look over the toys and was startled when the glass of the window reflected an image of Abby. She appeared to be walking with a man, laughing loudly, and talking animatedly. He turned around to see if this vision was true and it surely was. He felt devastated and bewildered all at once. He hadn't been seen; Abby and her companion seemed oblivious to the world around them. Carter couldn't help following them up the street; he hung back so that he wouldn't be noticed, his heart beating wildly in his chest. They walked for maybe a mile or more and Carter was disturbed by their final destination. Abby and the man settled down on a bench by the river.  
  
Why did I have to follow them? He asked himself a million questions while he felt the rage and jealously stabbing at all of the sensitive areas around his heart. He was finding it hard to breath when he saw how comfortable the two were together, she playfully hitting the man's arm and doubling over in laughter. He continued to watch as they lit one another's cigarettes, puffing away, and talking in an intense manner. He thought this torture would never end but it was like a car wreck he couldn't tear his eyes from. He had to watch this and his feet felt cemented to the spot on the sidewalk.  
  
  
  
Finally, the man rose and looked down at Abby on the bench in a very loving manner. Carter felt his blood boil. She rose to stand next to him and said something softly to the man embracing him and holding him in a tight hug. When they parted Abby settled herself again on the bench and watched as the man took his leave off down the street. Carter followed the man with his eyes, unable to feel anything but utter disdain for the stranger. He glanced back at the bench and saw Abby sitting there with a self-satisfied smile. How long had this been going on? Was that man the reason she had started drinking again? It was too much to bear. Too many questions surfaced in his head. He approached the bench waiting for the judgment Abby would pass down to him, he didn't care if she accused him of spying on her, he needed to know the truth.  
  
  
  
"Abby," he started, "Who was that man you were with?!"  
  
She looked up at him startled as he glared down at her. She rose to her feet.  
  
"Carter! Were you following me?" she shook her head in disbelief. She stared up at him. "First of all, I don't appreciate your tone, and second, you have absolutely no right to interfere in my personal relationships. So, if you'll excuse me, I have other places I'd rather be."  
  
She made the move to go and Carter felt frantic in his search for words.  
  
"Wait, Abby, I'm sorry, but if he's the guy who encouraged you to start drinking again, I'm going to have to give him a piece of my mind."  
  
She came back at him with all of the fury contained in a small storm  
  
"You'll do nothing of the sort tough guy! You're going to leave both of us alone and mind your own business. If I wanted to tell you anything, I know where to find you. Don't get Randall involved in this."  
  
"So he has a name! And where did you meet this Randall? Looks like the two of you are pretty cozy together. It didn't take you long to get over me, that is, if you were ever honestly interested in me." Carter raised his eyebrow at her challenging her to defend herself. He knew she couldn't possibly brush off all that he had seen as meaningless.  
  
  
  
"You know what? I am seriously starting to rethink that! I can't believe I ever thought being with you would be a good idea. I need to get my head examined! I cannot believe how petty and jealous your behavior is! You are outrageous!" She glared at him and wrapped her arms around her chest daring him to say something more.  
  
  
  
"At least I care about you, and get jealous, which is more than I can say about a past love interest of yours who shall remain nameless!" He knew he was pushing his luck but he didn't care, seeing her with someone else was crushing him inside and he was way past the point of holding in his feelings. He had done that for an entire year as she danced around Luka and carried on a pointless relationship with a man who didn't even know her.  
  
  
  
"Leave it alone Carter! Can't you ever leave it alone? This is not about Luka; this is about the two of us, you and me! Stop bringing up things that are irrelevant." She ran her hands over her arms and drew her coat tighter around her body.  
  
  
  
He noticed the tension in her body language, he knew she was putting up walls but he carried on, he couldn't let her out of this so easily. "Well I think everything and everyone is relevant now huh? Who was that clown I just saw you with? If you're not involved with him what the hell were you doing here with him?"  
  
"He's a friend! Not that I should have to prove anything to you, or give you any explanation at all! You are acting like such a jerk!"  
  
"What kind of a friend?!" He couldn't let it go, he kept at her, threatening to push her over the edge. He wanted her to feel. He wanted her to feel the same rage that he felt, deep in his gut.  
  
"Damn it John! You are relentless! That was Randall…his name is Randall! I met him in my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder support group. He is an unbelievably sweet and lovable man who has helped me work through some of the hardest realizations I've ever had to face! She sat down on the bench defeated. "I can't believe I am explaining myself to you. You are behaving like a jealous lunatic."  
  
His voice softened. "Abby, I'm sorry, I didn't know about the group. I am glad you are going, I think that is really important. It just drives me crazy to already see you with someone new. You didn't even give us a chance and here you are hugging this guy you just met. I never even got the chance to hold you like that."  
  
She looked over at him on the bench, taking in his tired eyes, hearing the pleading call of his beating heart.  
  
"He's gay John, a victim of a brutal hate crime. His beating brought him to the group just as my attack brought me there. It's true we've formed a close friendship, but your jealousy is still ridiculous regardless of his sexual orientation. If he were straight, you'd still have no basis to behave like a raving madman. I have every right to make friends and seek out the support that I need to get me through this."  
  
"I tried to support you! You didn't want my help! You refused to even listen to me!"  
  
"Wrong. That is where you are completely wrong. John, you told me what to do, you told me what you expected from me, to get myself together and pick up the pieces. You never asked me where I was with all of this; you just assumed that the alcohol had won out over all of my other options. That might have been true for a little while, but you didn't follow through. You just told me what I had to do. You never once asked me what I had already done or if I had already done anything. You have no idea what I have been through in the past few months. You have no idea what I have accomplished.  
  
He was starting to feel frustrated. "Well why didn't you tell me? I would've liked to have been there for you but lately all you do is ignore me and push me away!"  
  
"What was I supposed to say? As soon as you caught me with that beer your disappointment in me was written all over your face! You don't know how much that affected me, seeing that I had hurt you so much, and then when you confronted me about it, you overreacted and didn't let me explain what I had managed to fix."  
  
  
  
"I need to go home and lie down. You've managed to give me a killer tension headache Dr. Carter." She rubbed her eyes and her temples, obviously frustrated with the situation. She felt grumpy and just wanted to be alone. He exhausted her. At least it was the fighting with him that exhausted her. It just didn't feel right. She needed to get some sleep, and put these tense words to rest for the night.  
  
"At least let me walk you home Abby. I'm sorry for the way I've behaved."  
  
"I don't have to talk to you do I? I don't have the energy to maintain pleasantries between us. I just want to focus on crawling under the covers and forgetting this night."  
  
"It's a deal." He answered her softly and regretted his harsh reaction. He helped her up from the bench and they walked silently toward the El station, concentrating on their steps and everything around them. In one instance he attempted to reach out for her hand but she quickly slipped it into her pockets giving him a look that read, " You have got to be kidding."  
  
  
  
They rode the subway all the way to Abby's stop in silence. Their eyes met unintentionally a few times, and a few times their eyes met on purpose. Mixtures of confusion and frustration passed in the air between them. When they reached her stop both rose simultaneously and exited the train. They walked the wet streets in silence toward her apartment building. When she reached for her keys he thought he would take a risk and speak. She felt his attempt before the ideas on what he would say had even passed through his mind. She held her hand up to silence him and softly shook her head "no". She opened the door and lowered her eyes, disconnecting their gaze.  
  
As the door closed behind her, Carter hung his head and memorized the patterns of intricate stitching on his black leather shoes. He memorized that pattern and went over it in his mind until he heard her close her apartment door above the second flight of stairs. He continued to memorize this pattern with his eyes until he thought, he imagined, and he hoped, that he could hear her settling down under her covers, falling fast asleep with a sigh. 


	7. Tell Me Part 7

Abby stumbled into the lounge in a haze of grumpiness, having missed the first train to work and more importantly the time to get the necessary coffee to wake herself up. Susan couldn't help but smile at her friend's disheveled appearance. She decided to try and go for humor, and see how Abby responded.  
  
"Well Good Mornin' Sunshine." She giggled and used her worst Texas accent.  
  
Abby could only manage a slight groan in reply.  
  
  
  
"Hmmm. That much of a morning person huh? Well, no offense, but you look like you were run over by a Mac truck.."  
  
  
  
Abby allowed herself to laugh lightly and then replied, "Yeah, I only wish."  
  
  
  
Susan was intrigued. "Really? Was it that bad? What happened to you? Or should I ask whom?"  
  
  
  
Despite her annoyance with him, Abby felt a grim smile reach her lips as she answered. "A certain arrogant doctor we all know very well, that's what happened to me."  
  
  
  
"Oh god what did he do now?" Susan pulled up a chair beside her own and motioned for Abby to sit down and spill the tale.  
  
The two women talked for about five minutes while Abby downed her coffee and prepared herself for the long shift that awaited her. She was starting to feel better talking to Susan about all of this; she was such a great listener. When Carter stumbled into the lounge these same five minutes later, Abby knew she didn't feel strong enough to face him yet. She still felt put off by him. When he entered, both women stopped talking and Abby gracefully got up from the table spilling the rest of her coffee down the drain. She was calling over her shoulder a "We'll talk later." and was out the door in one fell swoop.  
  
  
  
Carter shook his head after realizing how fast she had been there and then was gone. He looked sheepishly at Susan and ran one hand through the back of his hair.  
  
  
  
"Uhh she told you didn't she?" He was starting to look squeamish.  
  
  
  
"You really blew it this time Carter. What is the matter with you? You have such an unattractive jealous streak. And what is it with this stalker tendency I am hearing about?"  
  
"That part was totally unintentional." His head snapped up and a desperate look was in his eyes. "I swear."  
  
  
  
"Okay, Okay, you don't have to apologize to me." Susan was laughing at him, the poor thing.  
  
  
  
Just then, Kerry entered the lounge and asked for Carter's assistance on an incoming. Her voice took on a much softer tone ever since she had returned from her vacation. She smiled at both of them before leaving the lounge, pulling her gown over her clothes.  
  
  
  
Susan and Carter gave one another a quizzical look. She laughed out loud and said, " I guess count your blessings right? Let's not ask her any questions she seems to be in an extraordinary mood today."  
  
  
  
"You're right Dr. Lewis, and I have never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth."  
  
  
  
She pointed her finger at him and said, " Hey you, don't try to change the subject at hand."  
  
  
  
He looked at her, pathetic, and seeking sympathy because of his mistake.  
  
  
  
Susan reached across the table to pick up her stethoscope and she placed this gingerly around her neck. She straightened out and then released a small sigh.  
  
"You know, my original assumptions were all true."  
  
"Oh really? And what were those?" He tilted his head to one side, waiting for her answer.  
  
  
  
"That you are hopeless Carter. Tell her! You need to tell her before you go crazy, or she does. Never mind how crazy both of you are making me. You better tell her or I might have to call up my friend Charlie."  
  
"Oh yeah and who is Charlie? Some cute fireman she'd fall madly in love with, and then I'd never hear from her again?" He released a small sigh.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No, you fool. He's a skywriter. You know, he flies a little plane and creates messages in the sky? I'm going to tell him to broadcast your love all over Chicago unless you tell her, and as soon as possible. Either that or I think I'll lock you both in a room." She grinned at the possibility of this, and the protests she would ignore while she shoved them both in some closet.  
  
  
  
Carter smiled at her and said, " I don't know what I would do without your pearls of wisdom."  
  
She walked past him and grabbed his hand shaking it up and down. "Well its good to do business with you sir. Now, if only you could send some real pearls as payment in lieu of my usual bill, I will be all set to dazzle my date on Saturday night."  
  
  
  
"I think you'll knock him dead either way, but I'll see what I can do." Carter grinned at her. He really did appreciate her advice.  
  
  
  
She smirked at him over her shoulder and then was out the door. He stood thinking things over until Kerry popped her head in the lounge again. " Dr. Carter, you coming? ETA 5 minutes."  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah, I'll be right there." He dropped his stuff into the bottom of his locker  
  
  
  
Kerry tilted her head to the side, "Everything okay John? You seem distracted."  
  
  
  
"I'm okay, just a little exhausted that's all, nothing big."  
  
"Okay then, well I'll be here if you need to talk." She walked backwards out of the lounge.  
  
"Thanks." He called after her but she was all ready outside in the ambulance bay awaiting the new arrival.  
  
  
  
He put on his jacket and dressing gown and looped his stethoscope about his neck. He drew in a deep breath and headed out of the lounge. He looked in the direction of the admit desk only to be treated to a vision of Abby chewing on her pen while overlooking a chart. She made his heart skip a beat and there were birds flying around his stomach crashing into one another. Susan was right; he had to tell her before he went crazy. He couldn't believe how arrogantly he had behaved with her the night before. He had to find some way to make it up to her.  
  
  
  
Suddenly Abby looked up aware that someone was staring at her from the entranceway. When she discovered it was Carter she felt a wave of fever flash over her body. She looked quickly down at the floor and then up at him again. She raised one eyebrow and tried to display an overall feeling of annoyance at having caught him staring at her but she didn't think he was falling for it. God I hope he didn't see me blush like an idiot, she thought to herself. She grabbed up a chart and strode off down the hallway to look after a patient. That was what she was working there for wasn't it? Not to go all gah-gah over a certain arrogant doctor. Despite this she couldn't help smiling to herself as she went out of his range of vision. He looked so cute standing there with his mouth open.  
  
  
  
Carter snapped back to attention when he heard the ambulance sirens getting closer. He took one last look at Abby as she disappeared down the hallway and he thought he could see her shaking her head. He really didn't mean to stare. It was just difficult not to. She consumed him like no woman ever had.  
  
  
  
The day passed rather uneventfully and Carter was glad when his shift had ended. He decided to do something about this whole Abby situation tonight. He entered the lounge half expecting for her to be there waiting for him. He tried to hide his disappointment when he found only Malik munching on a bag of Fritos.  
  
  
  
"Hey Carter, long day?"  
  
  
  
"You could say that, yeah. When are you off Malik?"  
  
"Oh I've got another couple hours to go man. At least my break just started though. You have a hot date tonight?"  
  
  
  
Carter grunted. "Ahh. No, I do not. I have no specific plans for the evening, just something important I need to do."  
  
  
  
" I hear that, well listen get it done before you crash Carter. You look so beat you just might crash and burn before you get there."  
  
  
  
Carter smiled and tossed his bag over his shoulder. " Wish me luck that I don't crash and burn before I get there. I'll need it."  
  
  
  
"Alright. Later Dr. Carter. Have a good night." Malik gave him a peace sign and a huge grin over his bag of corn chips.  
  
  
  
Carter went to open the door of the lounge but stopped in his tracks with his hand on the door handle. He tried to sound casual.  
  
"Ahh, by the way, Malik do you happen to know where Abby is?"  
  
  
  
Malik's grin spread quickly over his face. "Is that the something important you need to do?"  
  
Carter blushed wildly and looked down at the floor. "No. I was just wondering where she went I know she was supposed to get off this hour."  
  
Malik snickered "Umm yeah, she and Chuny went to the movies I think. I overheard them talking about some chick flick they wanted to see at the Majestic. That was about 15 minutes ago."  
  
  
  
" Thanks Malik."  
  
  
  
"No problem."  
  
As he turned to go Carter heard Malik call his attention back into the lounge again. " I just want to say that I really hope you don't crash and burn with Abby. She is one feisty woman so watch yourself!"  
  
  
  
"Yeah. Yeah she is, and I will. Thanks for the words of advice." Carter laughed and shook his head. He headed out of the hospital 25 minutes after he should have been released. Some days you just can't leave this place he thought to himself. He was glad to have decided to get things off his chest as soon as possible. He just hoped that he could do it once he came face to face with the "feisty" brunette. 


	8. Tell Me Part 8

Tell Me Part8  
  
  
  
  
  
Abby and Chuny left the movie theater in a fit of rowdy laughter. "Girl, did you see how fine that man looked in his tuxedo?" Chuny sucked her teeth and let out a low wolf whistle, "The only suit that would've looked better on him is his birthday suit!" "Yeah I'd definitely pay $8.50 to see that!" Abby tossed her head back and let out a loud hoot as Chuny wiped tears from her eyes. As she cleared her vision, Chuny titled her head to one side and asked, " Hey, have you ever seen that guy in his birthday suit?" Abby flipped her hair out of her eyes and followed the direction in which Chuny had just titled her head. Across the street they could see Carter with his head down and his collar rolled up. Abby started laughing again and then replied. " I haven't ever seen that man in his birthday suit. In fact I don't think I even know who he is." Chuny let out a whoop of laughter and said in conspiring tone, " Oh you know who he is girl, do you think I'm blind? The sexual tension between you two could melt all the snow in Chicago. Why don't you get something going with him already?" Abby was speechless and started to stutter an answer but one look at Chuny's raised eyebrow and she just started laughing all over again.  
  
At the sound of a certain familiar laugh, Carter lifted his head and looked across the street. He saw Abby and Chuny in front of the theater, and it was a good thing because he had been pacing back and forth for nearly two hours waiting for the movie to let out. Apprehensive about Abby's reaction he started to cross the street in their direction, he hoped he looked casual.  
  
"Don't look now Ms. Lockhart but I think your doctor "friend" is paying you a visit." Abby looked across the street and saw Carter walking toward them with a determined, yet frightened look on his face. She wondered to herself, 'what now?'  
  
"Well, well. Dr. Carter, what a surprise to see you here! And what brings you out this fine evening? Looking for a suit?" Chuny couldn't hide the huge grin that spread across her face.  
  
"A suit? No, I wasn't looking for a suit, just taking a walk. I'm glad I ran into you two though." Carter tried to hide the tension in his own voice.  
  
"Oh well that's a shame you were looking for me because I have to run home wouldn't you know? But I do believe that Abby here hasn't any plans for the rest of the evening since she was supposed to hang out with me." Chuny ignored Abby's death stare and started crossing the street. She called back over her shoulder to them. "See you tomorrow Abby, and oh! By the way, Happy Birthday Dr. Carter!"  
  
"Birthday? It isn't my birthday?" Carter looked over at Abby confused and disoriented. "What does she mean? She knows when my birthday is.."  
  
Abby just started laughing all over again and watched Chuny walk off down the street toward the El.  
  
He broke in, "So I find you laughing again."  
  
Abby returned his gaze, she bit her lip and became somber. "Yeah, and I find that you're not. What is the matter Carter?"  
  
"Abby I'm sorry.." He looked into her eyes, at her beautiful face and suddenly he couldn't go on. He just didn't want to feel like this anymore. He thought he could feel her squirming, just itching to get away from him and he felt he was being so selfish expecting her to listen to what he had to say. He tilted his head to the side and let out a sharp sigh.  
  
Abby took in all of the tension she knew he was feeling and when she heard his sigh she reached out and touched his arm gently.  
  
"What is wrong Carter?" She said this softly and with such sincerity that Carter felt his heart leap into his throat.  
  
"Abby, I can't."  
  
This time he heard Abby sigh. Her voice was even softer now, "Just.." He watched as she paused and gave the empty streets a sweeping glance.  
  
"Tell me."  
  
She finished her sentence and sucked in her breath. She searched his face to see if he was going to speak, if he was going to tell her that this tension between them was as unbearable as she felt it was.  
  
Carter considered her and their position. They were on the sidewalk surrounded by empty streets. He knows that his confession is going to echo, not only here but also in his own heart forever, yet he has to go on. He has to tell her how he feels.  
  
"Well following the advice of the good Doctor Lewis, I have to tell you something before I lose my sanity Abigail Lockhart." He took a deep breath and noticed a lock of hair on Abby's head dancing wildly in the cool breeze. He reached out to tame this hair and then brought his hand gently to the side of her face. "I am madly in love with you." He watched for her response and saw only that she was starting to tremble. "Abby?"  
  
She couldn't stop shaking. He took a step closer to her and placed his other hand on her face. He kissed her forehead and then reached out to hold her in his arms. She was still shaking and hadn't said a single word.  
  
He murmured into her hair. " I also have to tell you that she told me I am hopeless. I have to say that I think I agree with her Abby. I am hopeless. Hopeless without you." He pulled her more closely to him and waited for her to say that she was okay. He heard a muffled sigh released into his chest and felt Abby starting to relax in his arms. She tilted her head back to look in his eyes.  
  
"So you discuss this often then do you?" There was laughter shining in her eyes and she was working hard to compose herself and remain casual. She thought she was going to fall on the ground after his words. She hardly knew how she still remained standing.  
  
He matched the laughter he saw in her eyes and said "I do discuss this often, and mostly with myself as I have recently gone out of my mind because of you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me."  
  
"Well I'm glad you've told me that you are crazy John. I never ever knew."  
  
She smiled at him and took in his deep brown eyes that looked lovingly into her own. She felt definite butterflies in her stomach as she glanced down quickly at his lips. They seemed to be getting closer and closer. She only had enough time to look back into his closed eyes before she knew to close her own as he leaned forward and gave her a kiss that rocked her world. 


End file.
